I've been a little behind with my postings. I've spent the past month putting in job applications or researching grad schools or taking the extra time to kick back and relax with some friends and acquaintances of years gone by. I also have two unfinished drafts I have yet to finish and post. But what brings me back today is a sad story that a friend suggested I should post about.
I've been working as a substitute teacher in a secondary school district for a few years now. I'm looking for a place in the world for my talents and passions, but while I've been living with my parents, straightening out some of the larger questions, and working as a peon for my old alma mater, I have had some awesome times. And I've generally liked my job. Not enough to pursue a career in education. But I've had some moments that have stood out. And they have always involved fun and amazing people. One of these people was Abe.
I met Abe last year when I covered his Spanish class for a full week. It was a one of the rare classes I will never forget because it was so much fun. There were about half a dozen freshman guys, all athletes, that sat in the front row, and they were so goofy in their attempts to be macho that I could hardly keep a straight face. They were such boys trying so hard to be men and falling so short—they were like penguins, seeming serious because of their tuxedos, but slipping arounds like bumper cars on the ice. They talked about making a guys-only club, and one of them called out, "Sausage fest!" They found it amusing when I cringed at that. And the one who stood out most in that group was Abe.
Abe was muscle-bound like the governator of California and yet was one of the friendliest people I have ever met. Once he turned around too fast and accidentally brushed against me—VERY lightly—with his elbow and nearly knocked me over. He was just as surprised as I was, and he immediately apologized. To see a person with so much strength and so much manners is to see a real paragon.
One of the things I remember most about that week was something that Abe said that had me laughing. There was an aide in that class, Mr. G., who was also a football player and also muscle bound. Personality-wise, Mr. G. was something of a dark knight—a nice guy but didn't take crap. When this aide went into the hallway to talk with someone for a few minutes, Abe told his freshman buddies, "You know, I bet I can drop Mr. G. When he comes back, I'm gonna tell him to meet me on the playground at 3pm." And sure enough, the kid did challenge him! And it was so funny to see him back down when Mr. G. like a bull accepted the challenge!
That week was the most I got to know Abe. I would see him periodically in the hallways, always with a smile on his face, but our paths never crossed very much after that. I covered his English class three times this year, and he was absent twice.
About one week ago, this young man passed away. I learned about it yesterday. Sadly, he took his life. I'm not sure what must have been going on in his life, but he was surrounded by people who care.
Recently my neighbor lost her West Highland White Terrier to liver failure. Something she told me: A little boy once said that dogs have such short life spans because life is about learning how to give and to bring joy and to love others unconditionally, and dogs come into the world already knowing this. Though I only knew him up close for a few days, I think something similar might be said about Abe.
As someone who has held in a lot of things for a long time and done his best to still smile and treat others with kindness, this really hits home for me. Sometimes you don't know what a person may be feeling or thinking. If Abe had held on a little longer, I wonder if he might have found another solution. I'm sure he would have. If he had opened up to more people, including people who were older and more mature and experienced, maybe he might have been able to see the different possibilities that were open to him. If nothing else, opening up would have released a lot of tension. I've learned from experience how good for the soul confession really is. And that's why I'm writing now.
I also really want his friends to know that this is not their fault. Some people on the Internet say (and write) things that are both insensitive and not thought out. When people die young, we always ask ourself, "What if?" But when you're 16, you may be scared to talk to someone about your problems. When you're 16, you may be scared to talk to someone about your friend's problems. And when you're 16, you most likely don't have the knowledge or the experience or the training to recognize signs of a serious problem in someone else, especially if they don't share that problem with you. These are not adults, they are kids. They are kids, but they are going to grow up fast now. I hope they learn to be there for one another. I hope they learn to reach out when they are in trouble. I hope they learn that real strength and real manhood and maturity means acknowledging a problem and asking for help if that problem is abnormally large.
I hope they learn from Abe how to be strong and kind. And I hope they learn that even though the loss of a loved one is painful, life is more painful without loved ones. The answer is not to attempt to avoid pain by avoiding new attachments but to out balance pain with the presence of loved ones and happy memories.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
A Day of Awesomeness
Well, it's time for a long overdue post.
This Sunday I went to an open house for the Master's in Business Administration program at my alma mater, Montclair State University. My mother drove me there for some much needed moral support before going off to run some errands like buying ravioli. I'm nervous, getting less and less sleep every night, and this morning I started feeling nauseous. All of which are signs pointing to good things in the future.
Before the show, I went to the Six Brothers diner to meet up with two of my friends from college: The Catholic Science Geek, who is a Ph. D. candidate at Columbia, and her sister, who is a potential candidate to the Salesian sisterhood and the only person I know who can do a better Sméagol impression than I can. It was fun. They ordered lox and bagels and a California omelette, while I had one of the most delightful gyros I've ever eaten. And of course, we had lots of laughs and awesome times. It makes me feel a lot better to hang out with intelligent young people doing something constructive with their lives.
Then they dropped me off at the open house. I was really well-informed on the MBA program, so I didn't really learn anything new from the actual info session. However, I did get to talk a little one on one with the marketing professor, who has worked on a movie with director John Huston (aka. the voice of the cartoon Gandalf). Awesome! I also spoke for just a little bit with another professor, but not very long, as there was a long line of other inquiring prospective graduates looking to speak with professors. But she recommended that I just get a foot in the door somewhere career-wise and begin networking. Speaking of which, I'm kicking myself now because I didn't think to talk to any of the other prospective students. I definitely need to work on my skills with meeting total strangers. But the open house was very bustling and not at all the atmosphere for sitting down over tea and getting to know somebody the way I like to. I'll make a note of it to do that in the future, at least when I know I'm in a program. On the plus side, I did learn a couple things about financing grad school.
And one of the other awesome things was to go to the 7th floor of University Hall and look out the window. It was a clear day, and I could see everything spread out beneath my feet, including New York in the distance. And I could see the Empire State Building towering over the skyscrapers of midtown Manhattan and away south, the Freedom Tower under construction. Looking at New York is beginning to make me feel just a little bit like home.
I could tell that there's tension in the air regarding jobs and the markets and student loans. But I'm beginning to feel that opportunity is out there, and that there really is a place for me somewhere. I'm beginning to feel that the sky's the limit. I may have to wait, and I may have to proceed very slowly and cautiously. But I'm beginning to feel that I'm following in the footsteps of my ancestors, and that I'm on my way up, no matter what.
Searching for grad schools is intimidating, especially in Business Administration. I don't have any experience in business or knowledge of economy. It's been years since I took a real math class. But knowing three people in Ivy League schools, all from the same floor I lived on in college, is a real inspiration. It definitely makes me feel that I'm in good company and gives me the confidence to share and contribute some of the things my life has been filled with. I have writing skills, skills with foreign languages, reading and analytical skills, and a small amount of experience as a leader. I value people, hard work, status and achievement, and sharing. I really think I could make a successful mark somewhere in the world. Good night!
This Sunday I went to an open house for the Master's in Business Administration program at my alma mater, Montclair State University. My mother drove me there for some much needed moral support before going off to run some errands like buying ravioli. I'm nervous, getting less and less sleep every night, and this morning I started feeling nauseous. All of which are signs pointing to good things in the future.
Before the show, I went to the Six Brothers diner to meet up with two of my friends from college: The Catholic Science Geek, who is a Ph. D. candidate at Columbia, and her sister, who is a potential candidate to the Salesian sisterhood and the only person I know who can do a better Sméagol impression than I can. It was fun. They ordered lox and bagels and a California omelette, while I had one of the most delightful gyros I've ever eaten. And of course, we had lots of laughs and awesome times. It makes me feel a lot better to hang out with intelligent young people doing something constructive with their lives.
Then they dropped me off at the open house. I was really well-informed on the MBA program, so I didn't really learn anything new from the actual info session. However, I did get to talk a little one on one with the marketing professor, who has worked on a movie with director John Huston (aka. the voice of the cartoon Gandalf). Awesome! I also spoke for just a little bit with another professor, but not very long, as there was a long line of other inquiring prospective graduates looking to speak with professors. But she recommended that I just get a foot in the door somewhere career-wise and begin networking. Speaking of which, I'm kicking myself now because I didn't think to talk to any of the other prospective students. I definitely need to work on my skills with meeting total strangers. But the open house was very bustling and not at all the atmosphere for sitting down over tea and getting to know somebody the way I like to. I'll make a note of it to do that in the future, at least when I know I'm in a program. On the plus side, I did learn a couple things about financing grad school.
And one of the other awesome things was to go to the 7th floor of University Hall and look out the window. It was a clear day, and I could see everything spread out beneath my feet, including New York in the distance. And I could see the Empire State Building towering over the skyscrapers of midtown Manhattan and away south, the Freedom Tower under construction. Looking at New York is beginning to make me feel just a little bit like home.
I could tell that there's tension in the air regarding jobs and the markets and student loans. But I'm beginning to feel that opportunity is out there, and that there really is a place for me somewhere. I'm beginning to feel that the sky's the limit. I may have to wait, and I may have to proceed very slowly and cautiously. But I'm beginning to feel that I'm following in the footsteps of my ancestors, and that I'm on my way up, no matter what.
Searching for grad schools is intimidating, especially in Business Administration. I don't have any experience in business or knowledge of economy. It's been years since I took a real math class. But knowing three people in Ivy League schools, all from the same floor I lived on in college, is a real inspiration. It definitely makes me feel that I'm in good company and gives me the confidence to share and contribute some of the things my life has been filled with. I have writing skills, skills with foreign languages, reading and analytical skills, and a small amount of experience as a leader. I value people, hard work, status and achievement, and sharing. I really think I could make a successful mark somewhere in the world. Good night!
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