Major Jitters About the Future

I'm so nervous. I'm putting in an application to take a Language Competitive Examination with a prestigious international organization. If I am accepted, I will take the six and a half hour exam in language translation in the middle of July. If I pass it, I will be called back for an interview, where I will have to translate a text on sight. If I make it successfully through the interview, I will be put on a roster and may be called to fill in a post as a translator at any of six to eight locations around the world. I would serve in that post for a probationary period of two years. It's a wonderful chance to live overseas and gain work experience, as well as to contribute to an organization that makes a difference.

I suppose I'm more nervous if I actually get the position than if I don't. I've always wanted to travel overseas and see the world. If stationed in Europe, I would also be paid enough to make a few weekend trips to see the major sites. If offered the position, I would take it because I just could not pass up that kind of opportunity. But I could also be stationed in Beirut, which I'm learning is a definitively vibrant city, but is also located in a political hotbed.

And if I took a job on another continent, what would I do so far away from mom and dad? I don't always see eye to eye with my father, and we clashed a lot a few years ago, but I would still miss him. I wouldn't be who I am today without him. I wouldn't be preparing to take the steps I am without his own efforts at self-improvement. I guess my father will be with me wherever I go.

And what about my mother? Who will cook my meals and my breakfast like she does—like a pro! And what would she do without me nearby? I am very much attached to my both parents. But my mother has always had a difficult time about my going long distances away. I remember the time we were watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and she asked (only half jokingly) if I would move into the house next door like Toula did. As for me, I want to travel, but I also want to have my parents close by.

Also, I'm a little nervous about living out in the world on my own. Not that I'm afraid something might happen to me...... except in certain places. But for some reason, I am now more keenly aware than ever of the need for the emotional support of close friends and family. I guess losing people I care about has taught me that. Maybe that need is what has kept me so close to home during all these years of questioning.

I need to step out into the world. Maybe I am ready to work with this organization, maybe not. Maybe this organization is more of a step for a little later on down the road. But I'm going to give it a shot and do the very best I can on this application and on the exam, if I make it.

If I don't make it, I want to enroll in a graduate program this year. Grad school will be a good place to gain professional experience, complete my professional training, get involved in a community, build connections for the future, and perhaps meet a significant other. No, I am not contemplating graduate school as a place to hide. I've completed my turtle years. I am looking at graduate school as a place to ripen.

I don't have to step into the international translation part just now, even if I am ready to go out into the world. After completing the application, I realize they may not admit me to the exam because I know I don't have a lot of professional experience. But that doesn't bother me. I'm not going to let a little rejection bruise my ego. At this point in my life, I would rather apply and lose than not apply at all. I'm making the effort now to move out into the world and develop my professional experience. So whatever experience I lack, I will go out and get right now.

But for the moment, I'm going to relax, work on a couple other projects this weekend, and maybe socialize a little bit. The weekend has begun.

A Day of Awesomeness

Well, it's time for a long overdue post.

This Sunday I went to an open house for the Master's in Business Administration program at my alma mater, Montclair State University. My mother drove me there for some much needed moral support before going off to run some errands like buying ravioli. I'm nervous, getting less and less sleep every night, and this morning I started feeling nauseous. All of which are signs pointing to good things in the future.

Before the show, I went to the Six Brothers diner to meet up with two of my friends from college: The Catholic Science Geek, who is a Ph. D. candidate at Columbia, and her sister, who is a potential candidate to the Salesian sisterhood and the only person I know who can do a better Sméagol impression than I can. It was fun. They ordered lox and bagels and a California omelette, while I had one of the most delightful gyros I've ever eaten. And of course, we had lots of laughs and awesome times. It makes me feel a lot better to hang out with intelligent young people doing something constructive with their lives.

Then they dropped me off at the open house. I was really well-informed on the MBA program, so I didn't really learn anything new from the actual info session. However, I did get to talk a little one on one with the marketing professor, who has worked on a movie with director John Huston (aka. the voice of the cartoon Gandalf). Awesome! I also spoke for just a little bit with another professor, but not very long, as there was a long line of other inquiring prospective graduates looking to speak with professors. But she recommended that I just get a foot in the door somewhere career-wise and begin networking. Speaking of which, I'm kicking myself now because I didn't think to talk to any of the other prospective students. I definitely need to work on my skills with meeting total strangers. But the open house was very bustling and not at all the atmosphere for sitting down over tea and getting to know somebody the way I like to. I'll make a note of it to do that in the future, at least when I know I'm in a program. On the plus side, I did learn a couple things about financing grad school.

And one of the other awesome things was to go to the 7th floor of University Hall and look out the window. It was a clear day, and I could see everything spread out beneath my feet, including New York in the distance. And I could see the Empire State Building towering over the skyscrapers of midtown Manhattan and away south, the Freedom Tower under construction. Looking at New York is beginning to make me feel just a little bit like home.

I could tell that there's tension in the air regarding jobs and the markets and student loans. But I'm beginning to feel that opportunity is out there, and that there really is a place for me somewhere. I'm beginning to feel that the sky's the limit. I may have to wait, and I may have to proceed very slowly and cautiously. But I'm beginning to feel that I'm following in the footsteps of my ancestors, and that I'm on my way up, no matter what.

Searching for grad schools is intimidating, especially in Business Administration. I don't have any experience in business or knowledge of economy. It's been years since I took a real math class. But knowing three people in Ivy League schools, all from the same floor I lived on in college, is a real inspiration. It definitely makes me feel that I'm in good company and gives me the confidence to share and contribute some of the things my life has been filled with. I have writing skills, skills with foreign languages, reading and analytical skills, and a small amount of experience as a leader. I value people, hard work, status and achievement, and sharing. I really think I could make a successful mark somewhere in the world. Good night!