Major Jitters About the Future

I'm so nervous. I'm putting in an application to take a Language Competitive Examination with a prestigious international organization. If I am accepted, I will take the six and a half hour exam in language translation in the middle of July. If I pass it, I will be called back for an interview, where I will have to translate a text on sight. If I make it successfully through the interview, I will be put on a roster and may be called to fill in a post as a translator at any of six to eight locations around the world. I would serve in that post for a probationary period of two years. It's a wonderful chance to live overseas and gain work experience, as well as to contribute to an organization that makes a difference.

I suppose I'm more nervous if I actually get the position than if I don't. I've always wanted to travel overseas and see the world. If stationed in Europe, I would also be paid enough to make a few weekend trips to see the major sites. If offered the position, I would take it because I just could not pass up that kind of opportunity. But I could also be stationed in Beirut, which I'm learning is a definitively vibrant city, but is also located in a political hotbed.

And if I took a job on another continent, what would I do so far away from mom and dad? I don't always see eye to eye with my father, and we clashed a lot a few years ago, but I would still miss him. I wouldn't be who I am today without him. I wouldn't be preparing to take the steps I am without his own efforts at self-improvement. I guess my father will be with me wherever I go.

And what about my mother? Who will cook my meals and my breakfast like she does—like a pro! And what would she do without me nearby? I am very much attached to my both parents. But my mother has always had a difficult time about my going long distances away. I remember the time we were watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and she asked (only half jokingly) if I would move into the house next door like Toula did. As for me, I want to travel, but I also want to have my parents close by.

Also, I'm a little nervous about living out in the world on my own. Not that I'm afraid something might happen to me...... except in certain places. But for some reason, I am now more keenly aware than ever of the need for the emotional support of close friends and family. I guess losing people I care about has taught me that. Maybe that need is what has kept me so close to home during all these years of questioning.

I need to step out into the world. Maybe I am ready to work with this organization, maybe not. Maybe this organization is more of a step for a little later on down the road. But I'm going to give it a shot and do the very best I can on this application and on the exam, if I make it.

If I don't make it, I want to enroll in a graduate program this year. Grad school will be a good place to gain professional experience, complete my professional training, get involved in a community, build connections for the future, and perhaps meet a significant other. No, I am not contemplating graduate school as a place to hide. I've completed my turtle years. I am looking at graduate school as a place to ripen.

I don't have to step into the international translation part just now, even if I am ready to go out into the world. After completing the application, I realize they may not admit me to the exam because I know I don't have a lot of professional experience. But that doesn't bother me. I'm not going to let a little rejection bruise my ego. At this point in my life, I would rather apply and lose than not apply at all. I'm making the effort now to move out into the world and develop my professional experience. So whatever experience I lack, I will go out and get right now.

But for the moment, I'm going to relax, work on a couple other projects this weekend, and maybe socialize a little bit. The weekend has begun.